Slowly Restarting... Some of the 2006 entries
17 Sept - 17 Oct 2006 - -
I'm Back!
Redesign in Progress

17/10/2006
After 6 moody months of a bare diary with the occasional eye-hurting aberration, I'm back in control and back to regular blogging - with a layout that's uncharacteristically sweet. In the past I'd never be caught dead with such a SWEET layout haha but oh well - much of my former self-concept has been razed to the ground and now my identity's in flux - it could be anything, anything at all :) I thought the picture was cute. It only remains to be seen how soon I'll get sick of such a girly-girly layout!

I'd actually been thinking of a different idea, with the theme The Last Adventurer (inspiration from Simon Templar, the Avenging Saint / GK Chesterton - Lepanto and The Last Hero) - "What gifts hath Fate for his chivalry?" etc etc. But surprisingly, I'm not feeling angsty enough to use that theme! I've come out of a dark tunnel bubbling with unheard-of well-adjustedness and even giggles - no longer a tragedian, in fact no longer very much a Romantic of any sort at all. Something has been lost, perhaps, something poetic and perhaps a bit posturing that my younger, more childish self might have wept over - but I'm inclined to think something worth more than that has been gained: something solid, stable and a lot safer - and easier! - than the person I used to be. Thank God for AMAZING friends, who have guided me to this place of safety. Thank you, all of you :)

I guess from now on my blog is going to be quite different from the way it always was before with all those long tirades and obsessions, because I'm very different - much less crabby and rigid and... less worked up about many things haha. Formerly I used to feel strongly about a great many things... Biggles lah, X-Wing lah, my reading and writing, drawing etc etc... I haven't fallen away entirely from those interests but am a lot less interested in them now and a lot less tortured by questions about life and art - now my life revolves mainly around only three things - a) God b) running c) Jay Chou hahahaha. Oh, and studies. d) studies! d) studies! must remember that! Hahaha :D Seriously - I am going to turn over a new leaf and work hard from now on at my real responsibilities in life and not waste so much time on sheer waste-time emoting, which is what used to fuel much of my writing in the past. Life is a lot simpler now... and a lot happier! Possibly happier than it ever was before.

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15/10/2005

Mo and Neela's party on Saturday, 14th Oct 2006 was truly A Night To Remember! I don't remember laughing so hard in the whole of the last year!! It has to be one of the nights on which I have MOST enjoyed myself in my entire life and is definitely one of the happiest and most memorable haha. I'm still laughing all the time when I think about it. Will blog about it when I have obtained photos! It's too good to be blogged about half-heartedly hahaha.

Till then, here's the Mo and Neela poem, written in haste in the morning (before dashing off to EEC for a few hours!):

When asked to write this poem
For my friends Mo and Neela
I must admit I balked at it
Cos I'm no crowd-appealer;
I write cos I'm a feeler,
when I'm sad or I feel bad,
and it's doubly hard to be a bard
when I'm NOT feeling sad!

Cos there it is, you have it:
When you're with Mo and Neela
You'll always cope, not sit and mope,
Cos Mo is such a healer,
(And of course so is Neela)
It's hard to clown when you are down,
but in a while they'll make you smile
and that's the deal, I feel lah!

Since now I'm running out of words
That rhyme with 'Mo and Neela',
I'll be less slow and on I'll go
About these two, Neela and Mo!

Mo is an Indian princess
And she lives atop a hill
To get her mad's not easy,
But don't disobey her will!
She's funny, sweet and kind,
Always good for some girl chat
And she'll jog and bake with you
At the dropping of a hat!

Neela is another royal
Who's both beautiful and pro
Flies about winning medals
With her veena every show -
She runs a lot and loves nice shoes
And dresses well all summer
And she'll tell you in a loud voice
She thinks bullfights are a bummer!

On behalf of all our friends,
Thanks to Neela and to Mo
Have a very happy birthday
And do continue to grow
In wisdom, strength and beauty
And your super shopping sense!
May joy, fun and excitement
Ever be your present tense..

And keep flooring all the guys
With those beautiful big eyes!
- 14 Oct 2006

And you know what? In such a blast of happiness, craziness, exuberance and celebration of friendship, October 14 has come and gone; in the most pain-free way imaginable, I've passed the test. :) Time to redesign - at last!

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11/10/2006
Tired!

The last few weeks have been among the most tiring in my entire life. Having to juggle church, hall and medicine stuff is no joke - seems I've been reduced to 4-5 h sleep every night except Friday nights! There just doesn't seem to have been an opportunity to sleep for more than that at a go! Especially having to wake up at 5.45 these 2 weeks for 7 am ward rounds - really exhausting. I've been dead on my feet for quite a few days continuously already and all my reflexes are shot heh (and as you can see my language skills are getting more and more rudimentary with each entry)... I've even been overshooting my MRT and bus stops because when I'm stationary I just conk out without noticing (when it gets to this point it's really worse than usual)! I should make a T-shirt that says, "I'm not stupid, just sleep-deprived!" My test was over on Monday, but we've still been attending ward rounds because our rotation is not yet over. (7 am can!) Much as I enjoy Surgery, I'll be glad when this posting is over and I can get enough sleep again :)

I slept very little last night again and thought I wouldn't be able to last past lunchtime - but it turned out that today was one of the most exciting days of my whole surgery posting. Scrubbed in for the first time! It's hard to find an opportunity to scrub in in TTSH cos usually the table will be jam-packed with HOs and MOs who'll be scrubbed in already (unless one stays overnight - but since we had tutorials every day few of us had the stamina to do so). But today the emergency theatres were full - so the elective theatres were relatively short-handed and both me and Jan got to scrub in TWICE each to hold retractors and to buzz the diathermy 'pencil'! Haha I've never gotten so close before - didn't even realise you're supposed to press the blue button on the 'pencil' to get the current. Didn't get to suture though, but for the first time we were close enough to follow the surgeon's steps. Ah! I find operations very exciting! At this point of time I'd really rather be a surgeon than a physician :)

We went into the OTs at about 10 or 11 and by the time we emerged it was...4! Met J. Mong and Si Rui who had just finished their Medicine test there and me and Jan were treated to soya bean ice cream and tau hui tang yuen! :) Heh Jeremy has been encountering so many emergencies in all the hospitals he's been in that Si Rui says wherever he walks people start keeling over...

Si Rui: When he's in clinics, people suddenly start vomiting blood and must be wheeled to emergency OT... When he goes into the wards, people start going into VF...
Jeremy: Only 2 times lah!
Si Rui: If I had a perforated peptic ulcer I'd rather wait 6 hours to see another doctor than be operated on by you lor... Go in with peptic ulcer wait later come out with gastric CA!

After that I went back to hall and slept the sleep of the dead for 2h heh (besides the massive sleep debt, holding the retractors had actually been pretty back-breaking at some points)... I think I could have just slept all through the night except for the fact that I had told the road relay people I was coming for time trials - which were at 10pm!... so I had to force myself to wake up and eat dinner at 8... I haven't timed myself for 2.4 km since JC (when I was pretty slow)... but anyway tonight I got a timing of 12 min... which was a bit disappointing because although it's faster than I've ever timed myself for before I could sense I could have done even better :) It's a respectable timing for a recreational runner but it's not a good timing for competitive road relay... Too TIRED lah... Something tells me that after a week of adequate sleep I might be able to shave off more than a minute! :D But I might not be so fast also lah. Now I'm curious to find out what my actual 2.4 timing is heh. Rarrh! My pride has taken a denting today haha... I will re-time myself on my own after my energy levels have been restored!

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Conversations 10/10/2006

In the TTSH Kopitiam. One of the last few times our 'team' of 4 will be eating lunch together...

Me: So, Ben, how does it feel to be leaving the three of us?
Ben:....
Susan: Say you'll miss us! Come on, SAY IT SAY IT!!
Laughter.
Ben: "Thou shalt not lie!"
Laughter.
Ben: Er, just kidding.
Susan: YOU BETTER BE!

* * *

Me: Hey Ben, you want to stay overnight one of these nights for night call?
Ben: Yeah. Maybe. Wednesday?
Me: Ok yeah we have to confirm it in advance so that I can plan my sleep cycle around it!
Ben and Jiawei: Haha... But you never sleep at night anyway!

[Yes... I have acquired a reputation for sleep-deprivation the likes of which even Ben and Jiawei have never seen... The narcolepsy that is the "hall people" syndrome :P]

* * *

In Jiawei's car. This being test week leading to modification of the usual routine, today Nat and Claris replaced the usual passengers Janice and Randal

Claris: Yes Joey learn DOTA learn DOTA! Then I will have someone who's n00b enough to play with me!
Me: Yeah teach me when I'm more free!
Susan: You know, in the beginning I thought I was getting a very sane person for my CG-mate... But over these 16 weeks she's mutated into a Jay Chou-loving DOTA wannabe!

* * *

Nothing brainless is associated with liking Jay Chou, though :) (he's no poser teenage idol - it's poetry, man, poetry!) DOTA, perhaps... :D

Oh and I haven't mutated at all... Just become able to express my True Self a bit better perhaps...

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8/10/2006 (at a more respectable hour)

More family conversation on the way to church

Me: The sweetest music video on youtube now is the Jay Chou Ting Ma Ma De Hua video! [Mandarin for: "Listen To Your Mother"]
My brother (the one who's the Jay Chou fan): Ha yeah I saw it...
Me: It is SO cute... The little boy who represents the little Jay Chou is so cute.. Mama I think you would love the song haha... Jay Chou sings about how we should listen to our mothers! It goes, "ting ma ma de hua / bie rang ta shou shang / xiang kuai kuai zhang da / cai neng bao hu ta"!!!
Mama: Good, good! You must ting ma ma de hua! Listen to it more!
My brother: Hey, hey, we should not let ourselves be influenced by the values of pop songs!

Seriously, it is such a cute video - Go and watch it on youtube! It's so sweet. All his family-themed songs are very powerful - I nearly cried at the Ba Wo Hui Lai Le video - and even my jaded brother is touched by the Wai Po song and thinks its music video is the best. Heh there's also a short clip of behind-the-scenes of the Ting Ma Ma De Hua video on youtube in which he asks the little boy who plays the young Jay "ni you mei you ting ma ma de hua?" [do you listen to your mom?] and the boy says "you" [yes] and he says, "hai hao!" [that's good] Haha :D SO CUTE

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8/10/2006 (wee hours)

I WANT FRESH AIR!!!
I WANT THE HAZE TO GO AWAY!!!

On a side note - I have finally finished this month's issue of The Allegiance newsletter! (phew!) And last week I finished my Epistole article for the second issue (double phew!) And by next week I must make sure that issue #1 of the KE Newsletter is printed!! Yes it will be done it WILL be done! RARR!

Haha Jonathan Leong (Winston's co-editor for Epistole) emailed me about my article last week and my brother who was next to the com when I was checking my email saw his name in my inbox and did a double-take ("you know him?") :D yeah it's not the same Jonathan Leong... but that was funny

I want to run again! I just ate so much mooncake today and now I have no way of running it off :( My brother and I walked home from youth group today in a fog that was so thick that the beams of the streetlights could be clearly seen heh. "Romantic in a mysterious sort of way" yes :) But claustrophobic! I feel like a fish in a tank whose owner has forgotten to change the water!

Heh, you know, reading the entries of these few days as compared to those of a few days before that, I think I might be just a little bit maniac-depressive. Or maybe, as Susan says, I have occasional "bursts of extreme energy" :P Actually though I think it's just that my sleep cycle is so erratic - if I sleep enough for 1 day, I can't sleep the next day till late - then the next day I'll be tired and cantankerous... and to make matters even more confusing, though when I'm sleep-deprived I'm usually more down, when I'm VERY sleep-deprived I get high instead... Heh... If I can only find a way to control my sleep cycle, I'll be able to tame my moods...

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6/10/2006
Yeah man!

HEY! I just read in the newspapers that they have been showing BATTLESTAR GALACTICA on Cinemax (Lifestyle page 5 today)!!! Sundays at 9pm!!! WHAAAAAT???? FOR HOW LONG ALREADY AND I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT????? :D :D :D Oh man I LOOOOVE Battlestar Galactica okay... And so does at least 1 brother! I am how crazy about it!! It's the TV series that fulfils my need for a Star Wars Rogue Squadron TV series haha (since they will never make one...) Last year after Gideon burned me the first season I was so consumed by it every minute of every day that I couldn't even pray properly because I was thinking about it all the time hahahahaha! and I even deliberately put myself on a BSG fast until I could calm down about it so that it wouldn't come between me and God!! :) (It's so funny come to think about it! Turned out that that fast lasted a really long time because then other factors like Float came in heh so that up till today I actually haven't finished watching quite a lot of it yet! Also because there were problems with the codecs so some of the episodes can't play... if we could watch it on Cinemax it would solve matters... but maybe Cinemax is already showing Season 2!!! I have to check!) WARGH

Haha yeah... I was already very happy before that :) Thank God... the bout of depression from the last entry didn't last too long... I read Psalm 143 and prayed about it (hilarious MSN conversations with a couple of friends helped as well :)) and yesterday the black cloud blew off - then at night went for VCF council and was uplifted completely by the time worship had ended. Then after council (which lasted a whopping 2.5 hours) Hui-En let me follow her to her room in Temasek Hall while waiting to go for supper with the other hall leaders. Her roommate (who has the same name as me) is a Jay Chou fan too and had these big posters of him on the walls haha!

I like the TH double rooms a lot - they can be very cosy... and as I said once before, I love the toilets! Heh I realised that I've actually been privileged with the experience of staying a few days in every hall except Sheares and KR - cos I stayed at Eusoff in Sec 3 for CAP and at Raffles in JC for SRP and at Temasek before M2 for the VCF LPC that year - and of course, in KE7 for 2-plus years by now! (Of course I think KE is the best... But I still love TH toilets...)

We went to Sheares Hall at 11:30 pm for supper (contrary to popular belief about people who stay in hall, I don't usually go for supper lah) - and at midnight Chien Huah was 'surprised' with a birthday cake :) Sheares Hall supper food is really nice and good value for money (so much better than Raffles Hall supper hahaha... so there Chien Huah who keeps insulting KE :D)... a lot of people were passing around their food so we tried a bit of everything - the fried rice is SO NICE... and so is the chicken naan... and so is the omelette... and the ice milo... and the waffle... and believe it or not you can even buy a whole chicken with fries for a lot of pple to share! And it was really nice seeing everyone in the same place again - Gillian (RH), James (KR), Shuyi (EH), Ming Hann (SH) and Hui-En (TH) as well as Yvonne and Jasmine and Lionel... (I think really VCF helps a lot to keep me sane in my university life - the fellowship makes me focus on God despite all the other distractions in life - work stress and all - which I could otherwise succumb to dangerously!)

The first thing Ming Hann said when he saw me was, "Hey, CG mate!" - I was so surprised - so it turns out we're going to be in the same CG for our next posting - along with another of our JC classmates Chee Meng... so it'll be a mini S18 reunion heh. Too bad no David or Hwee Chyen (or Joyce)! I think we'll drive our CG crazy heh... Two hostelites together is a lot of sleep-deprivation and slackerly tendencies in 1 CG haha

Ming Hann: So when are you moving to Sheares?
Me: Eh excuse me, I'm a KEVIIAN okay!
Ming Hann: Next year lah, next year...

Ming Hann describes how he got into Medicine

Lionel: So it's not bad right, you got into medicine even though you're from Malaysia? Not many Malaysians right?
Ming Hann: Yeah you know, I went for my interview on a day when they thought only Singaporeans would be there... So they were so surprised when I turned up... And then it turned into a tea party - they didn't ask me anything about Medicine okay, they started asking questions like, "Oh, you're from Malaysia? What do you miss most about Penang? The food right? Penang [insert food name] is really good!" and "So what do you like best about Singapore?" and "Why did you choose to come here?" - and they didn't even ask me why I wanted to do medicine... and when I went out people asked me, "So how did it go?" and I said, "I don't know, they didn't ask me anything relevant!"

* * *

And today was a good day too :) despite having had so little sleep the day before! The only bad thing is the haze... all my mucous membranes have been feeling so dry the past week and I thought I was getting sick - but turns out it's just the haze which is so bad I always feel like something is wrong with my eyesight! It's like Indonesia is a smoker and we're passive smoking heh. Cannot run these few days! Can't even see the moon tonight although it's supposed to be at its biggest and brightest.

Yes... it's mooncake festival again... and it's a happy one.

Yeah succumbing to depression is a really bad habit with me though. I have been having this tendency to fall into these attacks of low self-worth and self-disgust from time to time as far back as I can remember (during which I'd just be paralysed the entire day and unable to do anything at all. Note to self: The next time you're feeling like that, don't waste your time being paralysed - start reading your notes and once you see how little you know you'll be scared into studying really hard instead!)

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4/10/2006

Graah... I've been feeling so drained/ down/ disgusted with self the whole day (the whole panic attack thing: am I just a dislikeable person, a pain in the neck to everyone, and a crappy writer? -Rhetorical question, don't answer that please - I'm not fishing for compliments!! And do I just repay people who cheer me up by depressing them with my depression? heh I've been feeling quite guilty about that!!)... Decided to translate what I think is Jay Chou's happiest song... But it only shows up how lau ya pok it all sounds in English compared to the original version heh. GRAAHH!! I think it's time for another long chat with God instead.

Jian Dan Ai (Simple Love)
music by Jay Chou, lyrics by Vivian Hsu

I couldn't really say
Why I'm so active now
When one loves someone else
Anything is worth the labour

I want to shout it out
I miss you with me dear
All the neighbours next door can guess
What I'm feeling right now

River breezes
Are setting your hair floating
Holding your hand
I'm touched by unnamed feeling
I want to bring you to my grandma's home
We'll both watch the sun go down
Until we fall fast asleep there

Chorus:
I want to hold your hand like this and never let go
Love pure and without sadness, can it always be so?
I want to take you biking,
I want to watch games with you
I want to be this way, singing as we walk on

I want to hold your hand like this and never let go
Love simple and without pain, can it always be so?
You'll lean against my shoulder
You'll sleep on my chest at night
This kind of life I see, I'll love you, you'll love me

This simple, simple love
This simple, simple love

* * *

He almost makes you believe it. Sounds so annoying in English doesn't it - you can only get away with this kind of thing in Chinese :) and the real thing does cheer me up sometimes.

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3/10/2006
Pleasant Things

Today turned out to be a happy day after all :) Thanks Claris and Sunder for your concern as always - a little pep talk goes a long way! Playhouse auditions were so funny that I just had to laugh all my xin1 shi4 away. Some very good actors have been uncovered! And Wee Soon emerged from hiding towards the end just in time to audition for Hum Sup Lou - a priceless performance hahaha. Amanda and Eleanor have done a great job with the script and story this year :) I just hope everyone will have lots of fun and do a good job despite the factor of time being against us!

And running with Jeremy always helps to burn off the last of my frustrations. We ran 18 km on Saturday! We started from the part with the overhead bridge from VJC and ran all the way to where we could touch the perimeter fence at Changi Airport (the halfway mark) and then back. For the last 5 km I kept seeing visions of all sorts of cool drinks in my head! And after we finished, he unexpectedly produced two PRICELESS cans of 100-plus from his car that were unbelievably still cold... The best drink I have ever tasted in my life!

Today we ran another 5 km - in 25 min again and nearly died... just like last Tues... although we told ourselves we would take it easy today! We have to learn how to take a leisurely run heh. It's great to have a running buddy - someone who has been looking out for me so much both on and off the route. I really appreciate all the good common sense counsel and the joy of an uncomplicated friendship. Thank God for His blessings!

Have also been having a most enjoyable time in clinics with Susan, Janice and Ben... More about our antics another time, this will take some writing :) And yesterday I just sent off Rachel - the last of my outbound friends this season - at the airport and also felt strengthened by being able to talk with an old friend after so long. God has been good to me, providing friends to build me up, whenever I needed them most!

Maybe sometimes we have to go through periods of suffering in order to enjoy life better after that. It's like how even if we had 100 cans of ice-cold 100-plus to drink at our leisure, none of them would ever taste as good as that one not-so-cold-anymore can of 100-plus after an 18 km run. Maybe some people will be given a lot of what makes them happy without having to go through so much sadness first... but it's the people who go through a lot of sadness who will become able to take enjoyment in the most simple things and end up with a richer experience of life in the end that actually contains a deeper sort of joy. And maybe I'm already getting a bit of that, experiencing depths of happiness in some things that I never had before because in the past I took too much for granted. I just have to learn to be a bit less hypersensitive and to learn that some things must be forgotten and let go of entirely - which is a bit alien to me with my poet-y loyalties, but I can learn how to do that. And I can still enjoy life until I do. And as long as I can keep running, I can run my feelings into the ground - and look forward to that metaphorical can of 100-plus in life, which may be just around the next corner.

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Ok. Back under control now. Sorry folks who missed the fireworks :)

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30/9/2006

Mr Nearly
Met you outside the convenience store
And chatted with you for a minute
Wished it had lasted a minute more
But I knew there was nothing good in it

Because looking at you makes me feel it again
Looking at you I remember
And each time it is joy fierce enough to be pain
(That's the soundtrack for this September)

Mr Nearly you called yourself
Coming so close
But missing first place by a thread
Always the second
Is that what you thought
You're not seeing clearly
Mr Nearly

Trying so hard all your life to be kind
I tried to be the fortress you found
Now you've hurt me so bad but you don't really mind
You're a city with walls broken down

And you used to say things like you couldn't forget
But now you've forgotten it all
Where and how, what and why, when you said this and that
Worst is - to WHOM you said it at all

Mr Nearly to this day I still
Don't understand
Why you were always so sad
You were never the second
You were my Number One
Hell I loved you dearly
Mr Nearly

So scared my dear so scared of failure and shame
I know you do so much out of fear
And I wanted to speak wanted to whisper your name
Say don't worry because I am here

But you thought you had lost I was bringing you down
A new shirt that was hiding a tear
They do return shirts to the clothes shops in town
But not after this kind of wear

Mr Nearly so fearful of
Losing first place
You thought I was for second-best
But you had been winning
My love meant that you won
You just never saw clearly
Mr Nearly

Mr Nearly working so hard
To be top of your game
Working so hard that you threw away
One who'd give you the gold,
Victory yours every day
Now to her you'll just be
Mr Nearly


Well why can't she forget
Mr Nearly
She'll just have to forget
Mr Nearly

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25/9/2006

More translations... I don't do this at the expense of my work lah... I do this while warming up to do my work in the time I would otherwise be procrastinating in other ways... And no, I do not think that Jay Chou songs sound better in English...
1. I just think it's interesting to see what they'd look like in English!
2. Anyway I think translating helps me to understand the songs better haha...
3. Non-Chinese speakers or people who speak it with difficulty like me who wonder what the fuss is about Jay Chou need a little help to become Jay Chou fans haha - I would have appreciated something like this myself, notwithstanding that translation drains the songs of their power.
4. And I hope that people who read them will be provoked to think more about the meaning of the songs heh cos I think many Jay Chou songs suffer from the phenomenon of being listened-to without actually being thought-about (partly cos it's hard to make out the lyrics just by hearing - unless one goes and looks them up haha)

* * *
Qing Tian (Blue Skies)
Music and lyrics by Jay Chou

Our story's yellow flower
Was floating from the day she was born
Her childhood's playground swing
Still rocks now with memories collected

Playing this theme, watching the sky,
I think
Of those petals trying to fall

The day I skipped my class for you
The day the flower flew
The classroom that we knew
Why can't I see it true
The day it rained and blew
I want to be soaked anew
Never thought
I'd stay although I'd lost all my strength
Just to ask one more time
If you'd wait or if you would go

That stormy day
I tried hard to hold your hand
But it blew, the rain grew
I could no longer see you
How long more till
I can be there next to you
I'll wait for skies to grow blue
Maybe I'll be better by then too

Long long ago, someone loved you for so long!
But it's true, the wind blew,
The distance between us grew
It's hard but still
Perhaps we could love anew
But at the story's end it seems that you said the words, "Bye bye"

* * *
An Jing (Silence)
Music and lyrics by Jay Chou (yeah I changed the gender of the pronouns for this song for myself - but the original is to be sung by a guy lah)

It's just the piano left to chat with me here
The old cello sleeps on
Silence long had to fall
I think you've made yourself impeccably clear
I know - I understand -
You don't miss me at all
You say you too feel pain - that I don't believe
You won't be back again - that we can't retrieve
I hope that she really loves you more than I do
That will force me to
Take my leave

I'll eat my pride and I'll say
I never wanted to part
Why do you ask me to keep my smile while you're gone
I lack skill to let you go
Let alone to accept her
Don't worry on my account
I will survive all amount

You've left, you're far far away
I will walk slowly away
Why do I let you get away this time at all?
I lack the skill to let go
My silence won't fall so fast
I'll learn to forget your touch
Because I love you too much

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24/9/2006

In an aside: I ran my first 15 km on Friday! :D (a step up from my usual running distance which is 10 km) Heh after that I felt as tired as I did the first time I ran 10 km when my usual distance was still 5 km... This coming weekend I aim to run 20... Maybe... :) :)

My favourite Jay Chou song!

I still haven't figured out how to make Chinese words show properly on Diaryland (I think there's no such function actually)... so anyway here's my translation for the benefit of all non-Chinese speaking readers heh. Haha very imperfect of course (and of course nothing beats the original), but I think it is superior to the existing ones on fan-sites like www.jay-chou.net - which are very useful indeed but nevertheless suffer from lines that read like "The sparrow outside the window is being noisy on the electrical wire" :) Such are the limitations of the English language (and the lousy translator) however that a good deal of the poetry is lost in translation - really it seems like in Chinese one can get about 2x of meaning into the same number of syllables as in English haha

Qi Li Xiang - Jay Chou
lyrics by Fang Wen Shan
translated by me!

The sparrows outside are chattering on the cables
You say that this phrase is filled with summer feeling
The pencil I hold flies back and forth in no time
I jot these lines down to say who you are to me

Fragrant fish that taste good - like the cat, you long for them
The scent of first love was like that - we hunted it down
The sunlight was like fresh strawberries we had just picked
You say you can't bear to gobble down this feeling

Chorus:
It rains all night, my love it flows out just like the rain
The leaves that fall are like my thoughts all heaped in a pile
Sharp words or two can't make my fire grow colder or age
You're here in all my poems, every page

It rains all night, my love it flows out just like the rain
The butterflies are like each fine word floating in my song
I'll write it down, my love unending, till the poem's end
You are the only knowledge I defend

The heavy ears of grain made us blessed all this season
And your red cheeks are like tomatoes ripe in the fields
Suddenly you told me "Qi Li Xiang" was such a good name
And all I longed to do was kiss your stubborn lips then

Repeat Chorus

* * *

I am such a Jay Chou addict now man... his songs are so poetic and I love all the lyrics. Not to mention they're about so many different things! I'm actually starting a notebook to write down the Chinese lyrics so that I can read them properly (I can't read Chinese well on the computer cos I don't like the electronic fonts)... I will write down one song a day and learn the lyrics haha... In between the million other things I have to do like studying... And case write-up... Yikes! Got to go!

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22/9/2006

Yes yes, I was about to add the caveat: I know the points below are not THAT stringent in the sense that some people do already fit almost all of them without trying (cos I'm not so unreasonable also lah)... But the ultimate 'censor' so to speak is also whether or not I am, er... attracted to someone in a way that is more than Just Friends... For all I know, that attraction might only come for 1 out of every 10... or 100... guys who fit all 25 'criteria' heh. So don't rely just on my perhaps occasionally facetious 'criteria' to gauge if I would be likely to warm towards someone or not... Cos sometimes there's 'chemistry' and sometimes there isn't... Life's like that... :P

Besides, as any relationship within the next 2 years (if not more) would just be a rebound* from Larry, I am effectively out of the dating scene till 2008 hahaha. And IF there is a next time (which is still highly unlikely) I'm going to be SUPER picky because if THAT one doesn't work out it's going to be ANOTHER two-to-three year refractory period after that to avoid the rebound... By which time it's close to goodbye to having children!

*I define 'rebound period' as a period during which I'd still be feeling too much for some stupid guy to make rational decisions; vulnerable to make the wrong choices because of loneliness; and during which I wouldn't be able to feel enough for anyone who loved me - which would be cheating that person if I pretended to love him. I would only want to marry someone whom I chose to get to know as more than a friend because I was genuinely attracted to him, not a) out of worry that I'd hurt his feelings if I rejected him or b) because I was lonely and I needed to be with someone to boost my self-esteem. [My prognosis is based on my depth of feeling so I think a 3-year estimate might even be a little on the low side - I dunno, if I hadn't cared about him at all my rebound period might have been about 1 week. Ah well, as the yu fen fei song goes, shei liao jie / zhen xin de fu chu huan lai shi li bie! Never mind... I will stop harping on the topic heh. Need to talk some sensible stuff for a change.]

Goodness gracious I actually sound as if I'm becoming an expert on this. (Maybe I am though.) Double yucks!

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21/9/2006
Note To Self

Having had my heart badly bashed about and put through a number of near-death experiences in the past due to formerly believing in all sorts of poetic ideals about True Lurrrve which supposedly accepts all faults blindly and goes only by Feelings and not Intellectual Restraint or Common Sense (Shelley, this is all your fault), I have decided to become very picky and greatly restrained by Mind over Matter. Steffy will be pleased to hear that I have now developed a list of stringent requirements for prospective suitors haha. It is rather tongue-in-cheek so please no offence to anyone, but I can afford to be demanding because I think I am probably not going to get married at all heh heh so I can just entertain myself with being as demanding as I want in my mind. Yeah yeah I know I am not that great myself and don't deserve someone who's so perfect but just let me dream ok? Alright, the guy must be:

1. Christian - and not wishy-washily so but really a Man After God's Own Heart
2. Able to take the lead and to make good decisions with confidence- which means
3. Mature enough to handle a rather nervy and damaged bundle of goods - which means preferably someone who has made mistakes before and had 1 or 2 failed relationships in the past - cos I don't think anyone who hadn't could ever understand me
4. Reasonably macho hahahaha. And not too refined or prissy... Must be sufficiently chor lor to marry this Hokkien woman (though I may convey the opposite image, I am NOT a 'sweet girl' or simply an over-read Anglophile... Not too deep under the surface I am really a chor lor Hokkien woman with an earthy sense of humour so watch out!)
5. Self-Controlled - which includes brain-testicular override
6. Someone whom I can trust to be honest ALL THE TIME
7. Courteous... nay, courtly!
8. Beyond courteous, someone who treats me with respect all the time and doesn't patronise
9. Someone who has close and healthy relationships with friends and is experienced in being friendly to other people & being a team player so that I can be sure he's not being nice to me just because I'm one of the few close friends he's had in his life but because we really do have something more than that
10. Someone who can handle stress well
11. Someone who speaks good Chinese hahaha (don't ask for an explanation... some of these things got no reason one okay, I just want)
12. Someone who listens to songs not just because they sound nice but because the lyrics mean something to them
13. Someone always interested in learning and trying new things - cos if not he'd never be able to live with me hahaha...
14. Someone who doesn't intellectualise every move and is able to do things on impulse sometimes (surprise surprise)
15. Someone who will give me lots of quality time but at the same time won't want to spend a disproportionate amount of time with exclusively me but will enjoy hanging out together as a big group with lots of our friends
16. Someone who won't leave me if I go blind - who'll stick with me through all the tough times regardless of what they are
17. Someone who likes to exercise and has a reasonable balance between indoor and outdoor interests
18. Someone who will help with household chores and won't think that women are just to 'bear him children and serve him tea' hahahaha
19. Someone who is not too rigid and legalistic but not too bo chap and haphazard either
20. Someone who drives
21. Someone who has enough general knowledge about the world and its history not to be a jing di zi wa
22. Someone who does not need to share a lot of my interests nor to understand everything I write (nor even to speak good English lah - it's true Viks) but who will accomodate and not dismiss them
23. Someone who has at least a few things in common with me though - things that are easy for people to have in common - such as liking Jay Chou songs hahaha (I've just been becoming a fan only lately myself...)
24. Someone who's as mulish as I can be sometimes and who will stand up to me and admonish me when I am wrong - but at the same time someone who will take responsibility for his own actions and not pin the blame on me all the time...
25. Someone who will look at the world not through the lens of how it affects him, but who will seek to find out what his role in it is and how he can best help society and make a difference.

*Note: Recent events have had no bearing on the making of this list. No offence to anyone :)

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20/9/2006

Quoting those two lines of my old Rebel drinking-song has made me want to put the rest of it up heh. Well, this song hasn't seen the light of day since I wrote it in... December 2004? Can't remember... Long long time ago...