Fencing / Bleah
16.11.06 - 7:41 a.m.
I Miss Fencing
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And the decision I made was made in the spirit of being able to say "one-up" to Auden anyway. "You only talked about social action. I did it!"
It was to fulfil what they said. What Yeats said. What C. Day-Lewis said. Action rather than talk. Being a member of the hands-on, anonymous, changing-the-world population rather than spending time singing about how we should change the world. To be one of the people that Yeats met... at close of day.
And I didn't make that decision just for myself. I made it to be able to serve God better as well - and to serve His people.
Because there are more sick people in the world than people who would read.
And I think poetry exists in everyone's life for a purpose; and in my case I believe the purpose was to steer me towards what I am doing now. I told the interviewers at my medicine interview that it was reading so much - all the books and poetry I had read - that had made me decide to choose medicine. I guess for every Keats or Lu Xun who defects there's always someone who feels very strongly convicted that they must go the other way.
And I don't regret it, so I should stop making such a fuss about the life I have left behind!
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Haha well after I wrote that entry I decided to dig back into my old entries and here's what I found - in an entry dated 28 April 2004 - written 2.5 years ago... my diary record of my interview for entry into medicine... it's quite funny! And I guess growing up hasn't changed me all that much...
I got the letter of notification for my interviews on Wednesday, but didn't realise how subconsciously worried I must have been until on Friday night I had a dream that my interview went horribly wrong - in which I couldn’t find anything to wear, and ended up having to wear a curtain! :)
Anyway, at my interview, there were 3 doctors in armchairs, with one armchair for me to sit in facing them - and no table in between! All of them radiated experience and intelligence (which helped to put me more at ease, actually). The one on the right asked, “So, why do you want to be a doctor?” I began, “To help people...” and he immediately interrupted me with a whole stream of objections; doctors are less able to help people than social workers, etc etc… I was a bit rattled, and hope I didn’t come across as rude when I tried to interrupt him; in the end I managed to say that although I think social workers are equally important for society, doctors are a need that must be fulfilled, and the people whom the social workers help will eventually need a doctor after all, etc etc, and at the same time not only did I want to help people, but I had an interest in the art of medicine, and being a doctor would allow me to combine my wish to help society with my interest in the science, etc etc. After which, he subsided, and asked a few other questions; “What did you do in JC?” - to which I described my NUS SRP project, the dye project [I forgot to mention the SSEF Silver!] and Writers’ Circle. When I said I’d written a poem about my decision to take up medicine (oh man, I hope it didn’t sound too extra!!) they all looked very shocked haha :) and more so when I added I’d given two public readings of it! This inspired a few more questions, like “Would you like to read it out?” to which I replied “I’m afraid it’s rather long, but I have a copy with me” (arrrgh, now I think I should have offered a quote from it - but it’d have taken up too much time!) and “Since you’re such an Arts person, wouldn’t you rather prefer an arts course?” (I take it as a compliment!) and “What happens when as a doctor you have to go one month without reading poetry? Would you get depressed?” to which I laughed and said, “No, I wouldn’t allow myself to be distracted from my duties as a doctor!” and explained (in MUCH less impressive-sounding words than these, by the way) that my wide reading had given me a conviction that I should live my life in a way which would allow me to be useful to society rather than just live for indulgences. At least, I hope the point got across.
The doctor in the centre then took over the questioning; “What do you know about the course?” “Do your parents want you to be a doctor?” etc. At this point the subject of my mother being a doctor turned up (“I suppose she’s told you all her horror stories”); they asked me what she did, and I said that she’d recently got a job in SGH, and before that she was a SARS auditor (at which they all nodded gravely haha :)), and before that she’d worked part-time for many years - I realised, as I was saying it, that I was putting it badly because it made it sound like she hadn’t been working much, when in reality she’s never stopped working in her life :) Well, I suppose I managed to satisfy them that I had no illusions about being a doctor - that I knew how hard a life it was, how hard a houseman’s life is (“Do you know what their hours are?” “Yes, I’ve heard they can go up to 36 hours without sleeping”), how hard the course is, etc.
Then the doctor on my left had a few questions like “How do you deal with stress?” “What is your biggest strength and biggest weakness?” etc.
In the end they asked me if I had any questions, so I asked when I’d know the outcome - and they all looked very surprised and said they didn’t know either. Then I asked them if they wanted to see the poem and they all looked very horrified and said “no, no, no” and made shooing motions haha :) dear dear, I hope I wasn’t too extra!
